The Pain
by DarkDreamer2009
Summary: ..So why are they causing me so much pain? All I want is him and nothing else and nobody seems to get that. Why am I here without him? Shouldn’t I be with him and be happy? Don’t they want my happiness?...Yaoi GrimmIchi


**I don't own Bleach....You would most definitely know if I did. Anyways I hope you enjoy this story. =^_^=**

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**The Pain**

No one will ever understand the pain that I go through each day without him. They say that I'll get over it and that it just all in my head, but I know better than that. This pain is real and it killing me inside but no one realize what they are doing to me from keeping me away from him.

My heart is pounding in my chest and it makes me weaker and weaker from all the pain. It knows that I need him more than anything and won't let me feel anything but pain. So my heart is slowly killing me without knowing what it is doing cause they won't let me by his side to ease the pain.

I'm starting losing track on how many days or months that they kept us apart from one another. For me it feels like years but in reality could only be a weeks and it just driving me insane. How can an hour feel like a day? It just doesn't make sense but it's happening to me. I want it to stop, why don't they make it stop?

I'm slowly losing it, why can't they see that? Aren't they supposed to be my friends? So why are they causing me so much pain? All I want is him and nothing else and nobody seems to get that. Why am I here without him? Shouldn't I be with him and be happy? Don't they want my happiness? Are they truly my friends? My brain will not stop asking questions that even I don't know the answer too, but a part me feels that I should know them.

They're looking at me with worry eyes but they still won't do a thing about it. They would force their eyes away from me and walk away. Like I would get better but I won't unless they bring him to me or me to him. They won't though and I shouldn't hope that they would start feeling guilty and let us be together.

With everything happening to me I just can't look at them the same way as before. They shouldn't be doing this to me cause I'm the one who will do anything for their happiness even if I died. And just for once I want something for me and want their support, but they called it ridicules and did this to me. How can friends do this to one another?

Days slowly passes me by and I barely have the energy to move or to even eat. Like my brain had stop functioning as my heart just drain more and more of my energy. Everything is starting look pointless and meaningless. Is this what they wanted me to feel? Is this getting over it? If so then I want it to stop but there nothing I can do and even if there was I have no energy to do it.

"Ichigo?" A voice called my name.

I slowly looked up to see the person who called me and it was Orihime. She looked like she going to cry as she just stared at me with worry eyes like others. I had to tell myself not to be fooled by that look and that she was no longer a friend. Then her eyes lower to the floor as her hair cover her face.

"I'm so sorry." She mumbled through her sobs.

Why is she crying? Why should she care about me? If she did then I wouldn't be here, so why the tears? This girl was bringing more questions in my head that use to be filled with them.

"For what?" I asked with monotone voice.

She flinch after I asked then looked up at me for I can see her face that is cover in tears.

"For doing this to you. You obviously love him and we had no right keep you from him." She replied through her sobs.

My emotionless face changed showing anger. I did not care if I scared her like I use to care.

"Don't joke." I hissed at her. "Because I'm in enough pain already."

"I'm not-"

"Go! Leave me here to rot like the other had."

With that she turn and left like I had told her knowing deep down inside of me she was crying more than before. That was not my fault though it's hers for being on their side in the first place. Her reason for doing this to me popped into my head and pissed me off even more. That girl claimed she loved me and will do anything that is best for me. I mean really look at me does it look like this the best thing for me?

Soon the anger faded then the pain started to get worse and worse and it wouldn't stop. If only I could make it stop, make it go away forever. I want it to go away but how can I make it stop? There must be away to do so I just need to find it and soon. All have to do is think about it and only think of it.

My mind started to warp all around me as I try to make the pain go away. The pictures of him that use to playing my head are now pictures of blood and a dead body. It was bad but was the only way to get ride of the pain, but the was truth it was still painful. The dead body and blood was mine for some reason as if telling me that the only way out of this pain is my own death.

The more I thought about it the more welcoming it seemed to me. I didn't even know if he was still alive so why should I, right? I mean to them he's the enemy so they have no choice to kill him, right? That is why they are doing this to me cause I'm supposed to hate him and want his death.

Deep down inside me I knew that I hated him, but that's also the reason why I love him so much. My mother told me once 'that the one you hate the most is the one you love the most' and back then I didn't believe her cause it didn't make any sense. But now I completely understand how she could say that cause here I am in love with him. So right here right now I have decided that I will not live with out him!

I started to desire my own death, that it even scared me a little. My thoughts became full with how I could kill myself without anyone stopping me. Beside why would they care that I died, they're the ones who driven me to this state in the first place. The only that was stopping me from this was the though of him. What if he was still alive? What would happen to him? Those questions made a part of me not want to do this, but there was just too much pain to reconsider it. Now the only question whack my brain is, how to get out of here to pull this off?

"Rukia," I called one of my ex-friend name.

"Ichigo? What is it?" She asked as came closer to me that was stuck behind these bars.

"You guys are right. It was all in my head because of what my mother said to me long ago and it made think I loved him. But now I know that I hate him and nothing more." I lied to her.

"Are you sure? I mean it really started to look like you loved him so deeply." She said as her head lower to the ground.

Mentally I glared at her for say such thing. Of course I love him so deeply he is the only one who understand me completely. I mean once upon a time I thought all of you understood me at least a little bit, but obviously that was a lie that I told myself.

"Rukia, I'm sorry that made you guys worry. I see the truth now so let me out. I want to kill him with my own hands." I told her with such serious tone. "He caused me so much problems and I want to take it out on him."

She looked back up at me and a smile appeared on her face before she open the bars up to let me out. A smirk grew on my face as she did so and was about to leave when she grabbed my shirt. I looked back at her and the smile is gone and a serious look was on her face.

"Grimmjow is dead. They killed him for your sake so you don't have to worried about killing him, Ichigo."

It felt like my heart had stop from hearing those words but I couldn't show it so I acted like I use to before falling in love. Inside I felt dead, which made my decision even more final.

"Now that not fair. I needed to prove that I didn't love him and that I'm stronger than him." I told her playfully.

She just smiled before walking off to tell the other that I was back to normal. Normal, ha, if only then I would be in so much pain and I most definitely wouldn't be acting like nothing is wrong.

I walk off leave this place that only made me suffer back to the place I belong, the real world. I know what I have to do but I no regrets so I must see them my family. They suffer enough just as much as I had but there pain from me. I don't want them to suffer any longer.

"I'm home." I mutter as walk through the front door.

I kind of expected a kick from father as I took off my shoes but it never came. Instead he just stood in front of me with a look I never really saw him with. Actually tell you the truth I did see him with it and it was when mother had died.

"Dad?"

He just shook his head walked away as my two little sisters came up to me. One was crying as she tackles my leg in a hug as the other just stared at me with those eyes I never like seeing.

"What's the matter?" I ask softly to them.

"You're okay." Yuzu mutter through her sobs.

I got her to let go my leg for I could bend down to her height to pull her into a hug. I rubbed Yuzu back as I looked at my other sister to she what ran through her mind. She was sad as well but it seem like she can that I was sad as well just for a different reason than theirs.

"Yuzu, what is this about?"

"You been gone to long, you idiot." Karin yelled.

I looked away from her knowing she was right it just I don't know how long and top of that I was planning not to be here long...in any worlds really. I couldn't find myself to apologize to them since it just seems so pointless.

"You're pathetic, Ichi."

"I'm sorry that I can't be perfect!" I yelled.

Not soon after I yelled I realized that wasn't Karin nor my dad that said that and Yuzu would never say anything like that. I slowly looked back at Karin who was looking up at someone. My eyes slowly followed her until they met his eyes.

The pain in chest grew as my heart beat faster and faster as I stared at him. The pain didn't hurt, as much some would think in fact it was giving me energy than taking it way like before. Though the pain was causing my eyes to sting before tears ran down them.

"Don't cry, Ichi." He said with a desperate tone in his voice.

The voice rang in my ears telling me it is real as much I want it to be. A smile crept across my face as the tears continue down my face. That when I realize it myself that I was happy again and I was going to enjoy this happiness that I missed so much, which only he could make me feel.

Yuzu let me go and went to Karin side who was standing next to him the person I love more than anything. I smiled even more as stood up looking at my family and him. I watched as Karin grabbed Yuzu hand and left us alone.

"Ichi."

"Grimm." I mumbled as if it was a dream.

He came up to me and touches my cheek and whips away my tears that seem like they couldn't stop.

"I'm sorry I should of come get you from that hell of a place." Grimmjow whispers to me.

I shook my head, "No it's okay. I have you know."

He smiled that smile that I love the most before pulling me into a hug. Then place a kiss on my cheek before pulling back a little for he could look me in the eyes.

"I heard what they did to you, Ichigo. I heard how bad of condition you where putting yourself through and for that I'm sorry." He told me with serious look in his blues eyes that drown myself in. "For the longest time I thought you ditch me and no longer wanted me."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing from him. How could I ditch him? I love him too much to do such a thing to him. I just stared at him not knowing what to say to him.

"Then she came to me telling me everything. She was in tears to the point that I thought she could make a river with those tears."

"She?"

"The healer, Orihime, I think that's her name."

I was in shock to her this I mean I said such a mean thing to her. I will have to apologize to her. I was just in a horrible state to believe anyone then.

"Anyways she said that she and the rest of her friends where going to find a way to get you free cause they couldn't handle it anymore. In my opinion they just should have done that to you."

I watch Grimmjow shake his head before smiling then kissed me again. I missed it so much that I almost forgot everything I was put through. The pain felt joyful so you couldn't really call it pain anymore.

"They did that for me? I guess I should doubt my friend?" I mumble to myself.

He pulled me closer as he whisper in my ear. "I love you, Ichigo. And I will never let that happen to you again, I promise."

"I love you too, Grimmjow. I'll always be by your side no matter what." I replied to him.

The next day my friends came to see me, which Grimmjow never left my side knowing that I still didn't feel comfortable being left alone with them. They apologize for what they did and that they judged before thinking about my feelings. It made me happy and I no longer hate them. How I looked at it the past is in the past and we are now in the present.

Of course the pain never went away but it changed into something that made me happy though. This pain showed me that I was alive and that Grimmjow is the only person in the world that I love so deeply and make me feel this happy. This pain is what enjoys the most out of everything.

"Ichi!"

"Yes Grimm?"

"Are you coming? Or are you going to stay up in that room thinking about writing a story about us?"

I smiled as I closed my laptop and ran down the stairs to the doorway where he was waiting for me. I kissed him before slipping on my sneakers then slipping my hand into his. My started heart pounding in my ears as he squeezed my hand and lead me outside. We headed out the door onto our date leaving our place behind into the white blanket that cover the ground.

I lean against him, "I love you, Grimm."

"I love you too."


End file.
